예가체프 – 3

2015년 03월 21일
예가체프 – 3
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어디까지 얘기했죠? 아, 당신을 처음 만난 얘기를 하고 있었군요.
당신의, 아니 정확하게 말하면 당신 아버지의 일을 하면서 나는 이틀 동안 꼬박 밤을 새워야 했습니다. 당신을 생각하면 아직도 가슴이 아리지만 당신과 함께 지낸 그 밤을 생각하면 아릿한 기억은 추억으로 자리를 바꿔 앉습니다.
둘째 날 저녁에 당신은 교정을 보러 왔습니다. 당신은 그 밤 동안 당신에 대해 많은 얘기를 해주었습니다. 사람들이 흔히 그렇듯이 밝고 당당함의 이면에 도사리고 있는 또 다른 얼굴을 당신도 지니고 있었습니다. 감춰진 또 다른 당신을 그날 밤 나는 발견했습니다. 아니, 당신이 보여주었다고 하는 게 더 정확하겠군요. 컴퓨터 작업을 하고 있는 내 옆에서 당신은 프린트된 교정지에 빨간 펜을 익숙하게 그어대면서, 교정지의 빨간 글씨를 읽듯이, 얘기를 쏟아내고 있었습니다. 그러다가 당신의 아버지에 대해 얘기할 때는, 손을 잠깐 멈추고, 멍하니 어두워진 창밖을 내다보았습니다. 아직 겨울의 부스러기가 섞여 있는 삼월의 창밖을…. 그때 나도 오른손에 쥐고 있던 마우스의 움직임을 멈추고 당신의 눈길을 쫓아갔습니다. 그러나 내 시선은 창밖으로 나가지 못하고 유리창에 걸렸습니다. 거기, 당신의 얼굴이 비치고 있었기 때문입니다. 언뜻, 당신의 눈가에 맺힌 물방울을 본 듯도 했습니다. 고개를 돌려 당신을 바라봤습니다. 그러나 당신은 내 시선에는 아랑곳하지 않고 얘기를 계속 이었습니다. 연극에 빠진 아버지와 어려운 생계, 그리고 떠난 어머니에 대해…. 담담하게 이어지는 당신의 얘기 속에 묻어 나오는 아버지와 어머니란 말 다음에는 쉼표가 자리 잡았고 잠시 동안 말의 빈터가 생겼습니다. 거기에 머무는 동안 당신은 펜을 서너 바퀴 돌려가며 교정지를 훑어내려 갔습니다. 아버지의 반대에도 무대에 서고 싶다는 당신의 마음을 쏟아놓을 때 말의 빈터는 더욱 늘어갔고 난 당신의 뚜렷한 옆얼굴에서 문득, 당신 어머니의 모습이 겹쳐지는 것을 보게 되었습니다. 그때까지 한 번도 본 적이 없는 당신 어머니의 얼굴이 왜 겹쳐졌는지 지금 생각해도 알 수 없습니다. 다만, 막연히 당신 어머니 역시 배우였기 때문이 아닐까 생각해봅니다. 그랬습니다. 나중에 당신이 보여준 사진 속의 어머니는 바로 당신 모습 그대로였습니다.
당신은 기억의 아득한 끝에 무대가 있다고 했습니다. 마치 자궁의 기억하는 사람처럼, 다섯 살의 어린 당신이 아버지와 함께 출연했던, 아늑한 무대를 떠올릴 때 내 앞의 컴퓨터는 화면보호기를 드러낸 지 오래였고 당신 역시 쥐고 있던 펜을 놓아버린 지 오래였습니다. 그 뒤 당신이 어떤 얘기를 더 했는지 제대로 기억나지 않습니다. 내가 어느 순간 당신의 입속으로 커피처럼 스며들었던 것밖에는…. 나는 어떻게 작업을 마쳤는지도 기억나지 않습니다. 다만, 컴퓨터의 화면에서 빠르게 당신이 교정본 붉은 글씨들이 자리 잡았다는 것과 당신 아버지의 사진이 유난히 도드라져 보였다는 것만이 떠오릅니다. (계속)

 

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최규승 글

최규승 | 시인

2000년 《서정시학》 신인상으로 등단해, 시집으로 《무중력 스웨터》(천년의시작, 2006년), 《처럼처럼》(문학과지성사, 2012년), 육필시집《시간 도둑》(지식을만드는지식, 2013년) 등이 있다.

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